An Update

It’s been a minute and for a few good reasons, let’s talk about them -

Reason 1: This project stopped serving me.

When I started this, being so intentionally single was helpful. I was learning about myself and growing as a person. But then that stopped. I didn’t feel like I was growing and learning anymore. And so I stopped writing while I tried to figure out how to continue this project and remain true to myself.

Reason 2: I became worried I was hiding.

Growing up in purity culture, I was terrified of getting into a relationship that wouldn’t last. I didn’t want to be seen as “tainted” and so, for a long time, I would get close to telling someone about my feelings, approach the edge of a relationship, or involve myself in a pseudo-relationship because all of those options felt safer than actually putting myself out there and dating. I started to become concerned that, in embarking on this project, I was simply reverting to a rebranded version of the messages I had internalized from being raised in purity culture. Now, I do think that the 3 1/2 months I spent committed to this were helpful in unpacking a lot of my feelings and traumas around relationships and dating, but I think that anything beyond that would have been doing myself a disservice.

Reason 3: The year was my idea.

When I started this, I said that I felt like I was being called to explore singleness for awhile. I stand by that feeling. But the year timeline was something that I came up with, in all honesty, because it sounded cool and seemed like an appropriate amount of time. I felt a strong pull to explore and unpack singleness, but I didn’t necessarily feel like there was supposed to be a specific timeline on that, so I opted for what I thought sounded the best - a single year.

Reason 4: I started seeing someone.

In the midst of trying to figure out how to shift this project in a way that honored my commitment and my intentions, I wound up joking about ridiculous pick-up lines with someone I had known for few years. A string of bad pick-up lines led to a lot of conversations, which led to hanging out a bunch, which led to a date, which led to - at present - a nine month relationship. I never saw this coming, but I’m also unbelievably happy that it did. The night before that first date (which I wasn’t sure was a date then) I resolved that I wouldn’t be the one to make a move, but I wasn’t going to let the moment pass unreturned if they did. And so, when asked if there was something more than friendship going on, I said “yes”, because this year was about more than being single… this year was about being true to myself. Which is quite frankly the way I hope we all live our lives, one single hour, day, week, month, or even year at a time.